Scotland Yard Announces Amy Winehouse Made Entirely of Drugs.....

London-Detectives from Scotland Yard announced today during a press conference held at their headquarters at 10 Broadway that they have reason to believe that eclectic singer-songwriter Amy Winehouse now consists almost entirely of drugs.

"The evidence is nearly conclusive at this point," Metropolitan Police Commissioner Sir Ian Warwick Blair explained. "We have a variety of hair and tissue samples, as well as nearly a pint of various bodily fluids, and they are essentially made up of varying degrees of ethanol, heroin, crack and nicotine, with trace amounts of benzene and other industrial solvents."

Concerned for the safety of the citizens of London, who have only just begun to recover from the recent destruction of Heathrow Airport by an enraged Naomi Campbell, Blair has elevated Winehouse to a Category 5 hazardous material and is asking that a 500-foot safety zone be kept around the Grammy-winning artist until a suitable underground containment facility can be constructed.