Energy Slamz! for Teens!.....

Energy Slamz! for Teens

The Only Probiotic Infused Energy Drink Formulated Just For Teens!

From the makers of ProbyoticZ! for Teens, the only probiotic formulated just for teens! 

I can has Energy Slamz! for Teens?

Did you know that over 90% of teenagers complain of not having enough energy?(1) In today's world of smart phones, Twitter, the knockout game and other popular teen activities, being tired just isn't an option. There are plenty of energy drinks on the market, but they are designed for adults. 

Adolescence is a unique period of transition from childhood into adulthood. Your teenage body is going through a lot of changes. It's totes chaos! I'm using popular teenage slang words so you relate to the product and keep reading. You wouldn't use your grandmother's dentures, right? So why would you drink an adult energy drink?

Energy Slamz! for Teens

Not Your Grandmother's Energy Drink!(2)

Hands off the Energy Slamz! Grandma!

Energy Slamz! for Teens is the first and only probiotic infused energy drink designed specifically with the teenage brain and intestinal environment in mind. It works with your body, not against it. And it won't cause embarrassing seizures or paralysis, so you enjoy teenage specific social functions and non-consensual transmission of nude selfies.(3) But what is energy anyway?

Science tells us that energy is a property of objects that is transferable among them via fundamental interactions, which can be converted in form but not created or destroyed. That's mad physics! Energy is everywhere. It's even in the cells in your body. 

Research has shown that energy is extremely important for your brain. In fact, your brain needs a constant supply of energy at all times. If your brain didn't have enough energy, you would die. There are lots of foods that contain energy, like cantaloupe rinds and oyster shells, but they are hard to find and often unpalatable. So you can spend hours a day getting energy from food, or get an entire day's worth from just one Energy Slamz! for Teens.  

5 non-paralyzed energized teens at graduation ceremony

Each 1oz bottle of Energy Slamz! for Teens contains the same proprietary blend of beneficial bacteria, like Lactobacillus jayzerii and Sacharomyces taylorswiftophilus, as our popular ProbyoticZ! for Teens probiotic supplement. But it also contains a variety of all natural energy containing compounds not specifically rejected by the FDA for consumption by humans, like guarana, ginseng, B vitamins and food grade dinitrogen tetroxide. 

Energy Slamz! for Teens comes in delicious flavors like grape and coconut lime. And getting your Slamz! on couldn't be any easier with our convenient 100 count Slamz! Bucket. Just grab a Slamz!, pop the top and slam it down!(4) What are you waiting for?

1. Based on survey of teens taken upon awakening by parent for church at 7AM 

2. In clinical trials, 4 out of 5 grandmothers died secondary to ingestion of Energy Slamz! for Teens

3. In clinical trials, 5 out of 6 teenagers were not paralyzed after ingestion of Energy Slamz! for Teens
4. Open Energy Slamz! for Teens carefully and never near a flame or other heat source. Prior to full consumption, place a small drop on any area of exposed skin to determine your risk for a violent reaction. If any areas of skin slough off, do not consume Energy Slamz! for Teens under any circumstances.