Wednesday, December 16, 2015

The Health Patrol with Mitch Rangler: Skink Oil Will Revolutionize Your Health.....

Mitch Rangler
Fully apprenticed Nutritionologist, Presdent and CEO of The Health Patrol

If I asked you what is the healthiest oil on the market today, you'd probably say something stupid like olive oil or even avocado oil. But that's stupid. The newest, and most healthy oil on the planet today is skink oil. 

That's right, skink oil!

If you were to list all of the characteristics of the healthiest foods, what would make the top ten? High in monounsaturated Omega-3 fatty acid? Check. Low in amalgamated ash? Check. Green? Check. Skink oil has everything!

Skink oil has almost no amalgamated ash!

But before you get offended by the slaughtering of countless millions of skinks to harvest their sweet, precious bodily oils, let me reassure you. Producers of high quality organic skink oil, unlike the corporate labs that synthesize manufactured knockoffs, only use skinks naturally crushed by falling branches or the undigested remnants found in the feces of snakes and birds of prey. Skink oil is nature's gift to humanity!

Once a GPS tracker has been inserted into this Latvian River Skink's brain, it will be released into the wild and only harvested upon its natural death

What are the health benefits of skink oil? A better question would be what isn't a health benefit of skink oil! The answer is nothing. Nothing isn't a skink oil health benefit.

Skink oil has all the health benefits!

Now that you've seen the evidence for the miraculous health benefits that come from consuming and/or bathing daily in all-natural skink oil, I bet you're still wondering if it tastes good. Now I don't usually talk much about my father, on account of all the repressed memories and the decades of cognitive behavioral therapy it took to be able to leave the shed, but one thing he always told me was that if it sounds too good to be true, it usually is. Seriously, he said that!

He totally said that!

Skink oil is an exception to the wisdom passed down to me by father, who ultimately was murdered by my own hand one stormy night in the west Nebraska foothills. It isn't just the most amazing health supplement available on the internet, it is also delicious. And as if this wasn't enough, skink oil is also good for the planet because skinks are naturally bioreducible. 

Bioreducibility is the first step to bioredundancy!

In my upcoming The Health Patrol newsletter, I'll discuss cutting edge research into the amazing health benefits of skink oil and give readers access to my top ten favorite skink oil recipes. Want a copy? Send a self-addressed stamped envelope and $5 to room 11B. I'll get your copy in the mail as soon as our mimeograph machine in the basement is fixed!

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