Creve Coeur, MO- Monsanto CEO Hugh Grant held a press conference today at the company's Creve Coeur headquarters, where he announced the development of a tomato-fish hybrid just to fuck with Greenpeace.
"There was absolutely no legitimate reason to do this," Grant explained. "None. It doesn't improve the tomato, or the fish for that matter, in any way whatsoever. We just thought it would be hilarious to create these things and harass the hell out of those fuckers. It cost three billion dollars to develop."
According to Monsanto's experts in the fields of molecular biology, horticulture, and agricultural science, like biologist Merkin Lillyhammer, it isn't clear whether the new genetically modified organism is a tomato or a fish. "Unfortunately the new organism defies conventional norms of classification because it can breed with the source fish, the North Atlantic Lumpfish, or be planted in moist salty soil. We probably shouldn't have done this."
Wednesday, August 1, 2018
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