Wednesday, August 1, 2018

Monsanto Genetically Modifies Tomato with Fish Genes Just to Fuck with Greenpeace.....

Creve Coeur, MO- Monsanto CEO Hugh Grant held a press conference today at the company's Creve Coeur headquarters, where he announced the development of a tomato-fish hybrid just to fuck with Greenpeace.

Greenpeace member Tod Ramshackle, shown here at his home opening a box of Monsanto's new tomato-fish hybrid mere moments before shaking his fists at the sky and angrily screaming "Monsanto what have you done? What have you done?!?!?!" as steam comically shoots out of his ears.

"There was absolutely no legitimate reason to do this," Grant explained. "None. It doesn't improve the tomato, or the fish for that matter, in any way whatsoever. We just thought it would be hilarious to create these things and harass the hell out of those fuckers. It cost three billion dollars to develop."

According to Monsanto's experts in the fields of molecular biology, horticulture, and agricultural science, like biologist Merkin Lillyhammer, it isn't clear whether the new genetically modified organism is a tomato or a fish. "Unfortunately the new organism defies conventional norms of classification because it can breed with the source fish, the North Atlantic Lumpfish, or be planted in moist salty soil. We probably shouldn't have done this."

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