Sunday, September 16, 2007

Citibank Reaches Out to Homeless Population.....

New York, New York-In an excitinig announcement today, Citibank has decided to begin marketing a line of credit cards specifically to the homeless population.

"It is our belief that even the least amongst us deserves the opportunity to realize the American dream," Citibank chairman William Rhodes explained. "That is why our goal is to provide each and every homeless man, woman and child with a Citibank credit card so that they might do just that, with a generous $10,000 limit and an interest rate of only 3%*. This money can be used for food, clothing, shelter, medical care or anything else they might need. A walk-in humidor perhaps."

Mr. Williams further revealed that "Standard late payment, over the limit, inactivity, no-balance and universal default penalties will of course be in effect, but that is just standard industry boilerplate and nothing anyone needs to worry about. In the unfortunate event that an individual is unable to make payments, debt can be repaid by manual labor in one of our many acid mine operations."

*The starting interest rate of 3% is subject to change based on a variety of factors such as market pressures, multiple payment penalties, weather conditions, outcomes of professional and/or college athletic competitions, coin flips, crop circles and management whim.


Vijay said...

Mr. Knudsen, I'm sure a journalist of your experience and caliber is aware of the fact that the credit card division of Citibank has been active in India for some years now. I would like to know if the bank has any plans of extending a similar facility to millions of Indians who eke out a living with less than minimum wages.
I know your beat covers the entire universe. I saw the news item from Zignar 7, Sagittarius Dwarf Elliptical Galaxy. How come you haven't covered any of the momentous events that have occurred in India?

Zoo Knudsen said...

None of my sources have any inside information on the activities of Citibank in India, or any activities of any kind for that matter. India just doesn't have much going on these days. But rest assured if anything interesting happens over there I'll report on it.