Nitro, WV-When people think of the small West Virginia town of Nitro, they may think of nitroglycerine, the explosive liquid for which it was named in January of 1918, or perhaps its most famous expatriate, Major League Baseball legend Lew Burdette. But once news of the scientific breakthrough, announced today in the auditorium of Nitro High School by inventor Stam Petrie, reaches the rest of the world, that may change.
Petrie, a Nitro native who has a number of inventions patented under his name, claims to have found the secret to unlimited free energy. "The funny thing is that it's so simple," he explained to the group of local supporters and a representative of the town newspaper, the Nitro Intelligencer. "I wouldn't believe it myself if not for the fact that an independant scientist from Charleston has replicated my results. This is going to change the world folks."
That scientist, Dr. James Ryan of Charleston Community College's Division of General Studies and founder of the West Virginia Online Iridology Program, put Petrie's device through a series of intense tests. "I can't explain how it works, only that it does beyond any shadow of a doubt. My team of energy experts consistently found an output much greater than the electrical energy used to run the foot long plastic encased contraption provided by Mr. Petrie."
This contraption, which can be plugged into any available standard domestic power socket, works by using a mixture of common household substances plus one very secret ingrediet. Petrie revealed, "I can't believe that this wasn't discovered years ago. By simply sending an electric current through a common substance formed from the fossilized remains of dead plants and animals by exposure to heat and pressure in the Earth's crust over hundreds of millions of years, the energy just seems to come from out of nowhere. It's that easy."
Petrie is calling for investors in his project so that the free energy device can be developed on a much larger scale. "This is just the beginning. Once I've got the financial support I need, the world will soon reap the benefits of my device. That is if those know nothing skeptics don't foil my plans."
Know nothing skeptic Steven Novella, a Yale Neurologist and founder of the New England Skeptical Society, isn't convinced but remains hopeful that the device lives up to its claims. Novella revealed that "There is a long history of free energy devices that haven't worked. I have no doubt that.....this one.....won't.....fail tests performed by truly independent scientists.....and.....I.....fully.....support......Mr. Petrie."