Hartford, CT-A groundbreaking study on the effectiveness of homeopathic remedies on a variety of illnesses was published today, and calls into question over a hundred years of medical progress and the scientific method in general.
The study, consisting of a telephone survey of patients of registered homeopaths across the nation, asked such probing questions as "How Wonderful is Homeopathy? 1. A little wonderful 2. A lot wonderful 3. Extremely wonderful." It was published in the Scientific Journal of Homeopathic Science, a peer reviewed journal.
The latest in a string of high profile studies proving the effectiveness of a variety of alternative therapies, such as the use of Aromatherapy for Prolonged QT Syndrome and Rolfing for Multiple Endocrine Neoplasia Type III, the study has sent the medical community into a tailspin. Emperor Maximus VII, current supreme ruler over the American Medical Association and the Pharmaceutical Industry has already initiated damage control measures.
In a press conference held today at Skull Island, the secret international headquarters of the medical establishment, Maximus VII announced that "We've been concerned about the mounting evidence supporting the legitimacy of non-conventional therapies such as Therapeutic Touch and Prayer in the treatment of pretty much every possible illness so a contingency plan to deal with a study such as this has been in place for a while."
Maximus went on to reveal that starting today conventional medical doctors will be pulling out of the healthcare business in order to focus purely on more lucrative endeavors. "The chiropractors, faith healers and quantum healers pretty much have things under control now so we are going to put all our efforts on providing quality pharmaceutical options for flaccid bald men and wrinkled soccer moms."