Monday, September 17, 2007

Advertisement: Quantum3000 MegaMiracle Cleanse System.....

Not an Advertisement*

Quantum3000 MegaMiracle Cleanse System

Have you or a loved one suffered from any of the following conditions?

-Headache following heavy alcohol consumption
-Feeling tired prior to going to sleep
-Aching muscles after strenuous exercise
-Constipation, diarrhea, or normal stooling patterns
-Difficulty remembering names of childhood acquaintance's parents, international phone numbers, or pi to 100 decimal places
-Sensitivity to fire
-Hair and fingernail growth despite frequent attempts at cutting and trimming
-Intestinal peristalsis
-Negative feedback within the neuroendocrine system leading to widespread homeostasis

If so, then you or your loved one almost certainly suffer from Quantum Fatigue. What? You haven't heard of it? Of course you haven't. Why? Because your doctor, and the drug companies DON'T WANT YOU TO! If you knew about Quantum Fatigue, and the simple method that has a greater than 100% chance of curing it, then they wouldn't be able to profit from your neverending DIS-EASE!

That's right. There isn't any money in being HEALTHY!

But don't take our word for it!

"Dear Quantum3000 MegaMiracle Cleanse System User,

My name is Dr. John D. Wilson and I am a board certified Doctor of Quantum Cleansing that has been researching Quantum Fatigue for the past 50 years. I want to warn you about the dangers of Quantum Fatigue. Did you know that every living person in the world suffers from Quantum Fatigue. And that until now there wasn't a cure for this deadly condition, a condition that causes such devastating symptoms as childhood curiosity, inability to hear outside 20 Hz and 20 kHz, and frequent involuntary movement of the diaphragm.

For years, the cause of Quantum Fatigue eluded even the most brilliant Quantum researchers such as myself. But a recent breakthrough has given me the answer, and it is a simple one. Thanks to my work, and that of Deepak Chopra, we now know that Quantum Fatigue is a weakening of bodymind from a quantum level. That means from a level which is not manifest at a sensory level. Our bodies ultimately are fields of information, intelligence and energy. Quantum Fatigue involves a negative shift in the fields of energy information, so as to bring about a deficit in an idea that has gone wrong. So Quantum Fatigue involves the weakness of one mode of consciousness, mind, which brings about negative changes in another mode of consciousness, body.

Once this obvious fact became clear, the means to cure Quantum Fatigue was quickly discovered: The Quantum3000 MegaMiracle Cleanse System. It is the only full body cleansing system that works on ridding the body of not only the accumulated toxins acquired from modern realities such as vaccinations, power lines, chemtrails and hydrolyzed proteins, but also quantum entaglements, spooky actions at a distance and quantum uncertainty. It is also the only cleansing system that I recommend to my patients with Quantum Fatigue.

Dr. John D. Wilson, DQC"

Not convinced yet? Worried about the cost? Don't be! Because if you order the Quantum3000 MegaMiracle Cleanse System right now, not only will you be taking the first steps toward PERFECT HEALTH, you'll be doing so for a fraction of the regular cost. For only 4 payments of $29.99**, you can get started. Plus, if you aren't satisfied, and have a letter from a member of the National Academy of Science or Stephen Hawking describing their experimental data proving that your Quantum Fatigue has not been completely cured, you will receive a portion of your money back! That's right, a MONEY BACK GAURANTEE! What do you have to lose? Only your health. If you don't order now that is! ORDER NOW!

*The preceding was a paid advertisement for the Quantum3000 MegaMiracle Cleanse System
** Plus a lifetime monthly fee of $29.99

2 comments:

Moof said...

Hey there Mr. Knudsen ... what's with the fine print!?!?

Of course, I'm just going to have to rush right out and get myself one of these, um, thingies. But that fine print is a bit ... worrisome.

If I don't like the Quantum3000 Miracle Cleanse System, how many years will I have to continue paying the lifetime monthly fee? *blink*

Zoo Knudsen said...

Thanks for your comment. My advertisements are just a way for me to pay the bills. I don't have any connection with the companies or their products. Personally I was more than happy with the Quantum2000 UltraMiracle Cleanse System and don't see why they had to fix something that wasn't broken. Well, I guess the battery life could have been a little longer.