Fraggle Rock, Idaho-After several days of intense rescue efforts by an experienced team of Doozers, attempts at retrieving a group of Fraggles, 22-inch tall underground dwelling humanoids, caught in a cave-in have been called off today and the creatures have officially been declared dead.
"I knew this would happen," explained Red, a Fraggle who is thought to now be the last surviving member of the species. "It was only a matter of time before Gobo went and got himself killed, and I always worried that he'd drag the rest of us down with him with his silly "exploring". This is that damn Traveling Matt's fault!"
A number of theories have been proposed as to why the near entirety of the Fraggle population was gathered in one of the lesser-known caves. Fraggleologists are convinced that, based on the 5-year long documentary of Fraggle life which was televised from 1983 to 1987, the group was searching for a fresh supply of tasty Doozer scaffolding. A competing theory involves the establishment of a Fraggle cult, built around the worship of an all-knowing all-seeing Trash Heap.
Not everyone is upset about the unfortunate demise of these colorful, radish eating critters. Ma Gorg, self-proclaimed Queen of the Universe revealed, "Good riddance to those pest. Fraggles are nothing but vermin. Radish stealing vermin." Silly creature from outer space, and former North American Society of Tinkerers "Man of the Year" Jerome Crystal seemed unconcerned by the deadly turn of events, asking "What's a Fraggle? Did Shimmelfinney put you up to this?"