Cold Medications for Children Pulled from Shelves.....

Silver Spring, MD-Moans of frustration and anger are erupting around the nation this week as many parents are learning for the first time that children's cold medications are no longer available without a doctor's prescription.

"We at the FDA feel that the removal of these medications from store shelves is vital to the safety of young children," FDA Commissioner Andrew C. von Eschenbach explained. "And this is a big step forward for us in our goal of rendering ourselves obsolete."

Parents and healthcare providers of varying legitimacy appear to have mixed feelings, and some are less than happy about the FDA decision. Roberta Lambarts, medical doctor and fourth generation carny, is concerned that "This is more than doubling the average time I spend with patients and this is just unacceptable. What am I, a homeopath? I don't have time to talk to my patients!" Homeopathic physician Brynt Sierra is pleased with this development. "This is great. Now there is less competition from alopathic placebos."

Representing parents in a class action lawsuit against the FDA is retired defense attorney Pamela Sessions. "We are going to run those bastards into the ground for this. As a parent, I have a God given right to give my child a completely ineffective medication or to drug them into a coma so that I can sleep!"