Saturday, October 20, 2007

Image of Charles Darwin Discovered on Cheese Danish.....

Columbia, SC-A large crowd has formed outside of a downtown Columbia diner today as more and more scientists are arriving to catch a glimpse of what many are calling the Danish Darwin.

Just hours ago, while preparing to open the diner that has been in her family for 5 generations, Rhonda Huxley grabbed a day old cheese danish out of a countertop display case. What Rhonda didn't know was that this simple action would soon put her, and this very special pastry, in the middle of an event of scientific proportions.

"I didn't know who it was," Huxley explained. "It just looked like an old man with a scruffy beard. But there's this guy Jim who eats here who knows everything so I saved it to see if he could figure it out."

What Jim Balhoff, a custodial engineer at nearby Columbia Community College, saw when he gazed into the cheese filled concoction of flour, milk, yeast, eggs and butter, was a perfect likeness of Charles Darwin, the man who first proposed and provided scientific evidence that life has evolved over time from common ancestors through the process of natural selection. Balhoff revealed, "I saw him on an episode of The 700 Club. They had a cartoon where he marries a monkey and then they have monkey babies. I didn't come from no monkey!"

As word spread through the scientific community, researchers from a variety of fields have been making their way here to view the image of Darwin. "I just had to see it up close," zoologist Derick Sazuki explained. "I had to bask in its presence, to soak in its healing essence."

A makeshift encampment has been built by the growing mass of scientists and throughout the crowd there can be heard expressions of joy and exaltation. Many of these men and women faint upon the sight of the danish, some even erupting into long sequences of ones and zeros. A number of scientists, upon touching the pastry have thrown away their glasses claiming to have restored vision. One man stood straight, he claimed, for the first time in years because his scoliosis was completely corrected. "It's a vastly improbable occurrence! I give my life to you!"

9 comments:

Moof said...

Mr. Knudsen! This is news is absolutely amazing! It sounds as if it's going to become the "Clearwater" of the scientific community.

I'm dumbfounded that they were experiencing binary tongues, though ... isn't DNA base 3? ;o)

Chrysalis Angel said...

Where are the reports of the people that touched or gazed upon its presence, and suddenly found themselves stooped over, finding it easier to move with both hands and feet?

I hear bananas were disappearing from all the neighboring superstores and grocery departments, putting the produce managers in a frenzy trying to keep up with the demand.

As usual I fear the media coverage of this event is biased. Only those reports of healing remain publicized.

Free Speaker said...

This gives a whole new meaning for the phrase [b]"food for thought"[/b].

John Vreeland said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
John Vreeland said...

This is exactly the sort of proof we've been looking for!

Zoo Knudsen said...

Yes, but proof of what?

Sid Schwab said...

When CNN reported on this, they mentioned that the pastry had been in the display case for a couple of extra days, putting the lie to the concept of survival of the freshest.

Surly Dwarf said...

The Danish Darwin has a long way too go before it is as stale as the NunBun. I wonder if the NunBun also got off on the pain and suffering of poor women and amassing piles of money without using it to help said poor women.

Anonymous said...

Okay. And then, shortly after, discovered Alfred Russel Wallace in a prune danish and Clarence Darrow in a cruller.

Off to munch my way through pastry-oblivion.