Lynn, MA-In a press conference today, consumer advocate Kevin Trudeau announced plans for a next book that will take on the powerful Parent-Teacher Association.
"This is not going to be an easy thing to do by any stretch of the imagination," Trudea explained. "Representatives of this organization are everywhere. They are in our schools. They are in our homes. The mere fact that you have probably never heard of or had any problems with this insidious organization is all the proof you should need that it is pure evil."
Nicholas P. Kostan, Superintendent of Lynn's public school system isn't buying Trudeaus claims of a sinister side of the PTA. He answered those claims in a statement released to the press. "The PTA is a voluntary organization bringing together parents and teachers of pupils in a particular school or school district, usually for fund-raising, building parental involvement at school and other activities relating to the welfare of the school. There is nothing going on that the general public needs to worry about. Especially if they know what is good for them."
PTA National President Jan Harp Domene has heard these types of accusations before. "Trudeau is just trying to make a name for himself and obviously is running out of groups to denigrate. The PTA is not, and never has been, involved in supplying arms to inner city gangs. We have never stockpiled plutonium. And we are not brainwashing student's into a zombie-like state of subservience as soldiers in our quest for dominion over humanity. To even suggest such things is absurd. Stupid humans."
Trudeau's new book will trace the history of the PTA back to the Dark Ages where a group of druids, witches, and stranded aliens began monthly gatherings to discuss ways of improving their lackluster fundraising efforts to support the wiping out of the human race. Legend has it that these early meetings spawned the first documented bake sales and spaghetti dinners, only instead of the auction of a new wagon or a sack of flour the unwary peasant villagers were lured to their doom.
When it was discovered that merely asking for the villager's money, instead of devouring their flesh, improved both the weight of their coin purses and their reputations, the group decided to go legit. At least by appearances that is. Trudeau claims that modern descendant of these dastardly cabals is today's PTA. "These guys are so afraid of what I have to say that they have tried to stop me from writing this book. But if you order now, I'll throw in copy of my new CD, the one that the PTA doesn't want you to know about, on which I expose how they use Ice Cream Socials and Back to School Pancake Breakfasts to manipulate us all."