Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Congress Fails to Resurrect Frank Sinatra.....

Washington, DC-Despite nearly complete bipartisan support for the effort, the United States House of Representatives ended its weeklong attempt to reanimate the corpse of singer and Academy-Award-winning actor Frank Sinatra today, instead settling on a resolution naming May 13th as Frank Sinatra Day.

"Sure I'm disappointed," Rep. Jose Serrano(D-NY), sponsor of the resolution and Level 3 Necromancer, explained. "I think we all would have liked for things to have gone differently, and you have no idea how hard it was to get the corpse past security. But at least the resolution passed."

From the beginning, the ill-conceived ritual to retrieve the "Chairman of the Board" from the land of the dead, or at least convert his lifeless body into some kind of crooning zombie, met with its share of criticism. Leading the backlash was Mike Pence, a conservative Republican out of Indiana. "Look, I'd like to have a resurrected Ol' Blue Eyes stumbling around here singing classics like "Softly as I Leave You" and "My Way" as much as the next guy. Hell, I'd love to have the entire Rat Pack shuffling around Capitol Hill just singing and dancing, and eating brains, but apparantly those bozos didn't learn anything from the Elvis fiasco. Some things should just stay dead. Sometimes dead is better."

3 comments:

Rob said...

Top-notch stuff, Zoo. Top-notch.

Zoo Knudsen said...

Just a humble reporter, reporting the facts Rob. And though I may be the greatest living journalist, I feel obligated to give a least a small percentage of the credit to my crack research staff, of which I am the head researcher.

The Laundress said...

so you are doing research on crack as well? Dang but you are on top of things, riding the crest Zoo!