iPod Neuro to be Released Next Month.....

Cupertino, CA-Not satisfied with near total domination of the portable media player market, or the sale of over 140 million iPods since 2001, Apple CEO and co-founder Steve Jobs announced today that his latest product, the iPod Neuro, will revolutionize the industry when it hits store shelves on June 1st.

"This is a complete departure from what consumers have come to expect from the iPod line of products," Jobs explained. "I have a pretty good feeling that the Neuro is going to sell big, and that it is going to serve as a catalyst for bigger and better things for Apple."

Hooked directly into the buyers neuroendocrine system, the iPod Neuro is designed to integrate itself fully into its host, eventually assuming control of a significant number of organ systems and their functions. This biological interface will allow almost instantaneous control over the Neuro's functions without the need to fumble with clumsy scroll wheels. Some concerns emerging from the Spring trade shows, however, are the price, coming in at just under $800, the tendency of users to suffer spontaneous and seemingly random episodes of bowel and bladder evacuation, and the leaked Apple memo revealing plans to create an army of cyborg early adopters.