Westmore, VT-When local senior citizen Ezra Milroy looked through the lens of her Fujinon 150mm binoculars at the beach of Lake Willoughby's Southwest Cove today, the last thing she expected to be was offended.
"This is an absolute outrage," Milroy, who lives in a one bedroom apartment with her cats and a subscription to The American Conservative, explained. "There they were, 900 yards away and naked as the day they were born trying to push their filth on us decent folk, and to turn the innocent children of Westmore into delinquents and sex fiends."
The elderly shut-in, who hasn't been offended to this degree since witnessing the Jenkins boy feel up Constable Wilson's niece in the backseat of his Subaru Forester while parked up on Mt. Pisgah, plans to continue watching the beach. "It is my duty as an upstanding citizen of this fine town to personally witness and log each and every sweat and sand caked nook and crevice displayed by those naked heathens!"