Monday, June 16, 2008

Study Links Improved Diet to Fewer Birth Defects in Pirates Babies.....

Secret Pirate Island-A new study released today by the joint Council of Pirate Nutrition and Plank Walking confirms the accuracy of mounting anecdotal reports of significant decreases in pirate birth defects seen since the 1998 inception of a number of dietary guidelines.

"We can now finally say with scientific certainty that our recommendations are actually paying off," pirate physician Mort Fishman explained. "Our data shows that among pirate babies born today there are 15% fewer peglegs, 30% fewer hook hands, and a suprising 70% drop in unilateral eye-patches when compared to buccaner infants from just ten years ago."

Known for their poor nutrition while on long voyages, and high rates of scurvy and other deficiencies in micronutrients, attempts at improving pirate health were met with much skepticism among pirate epidemiologists. But the evidence is compelling that the dietary changes begun in 1998 have led to major advances in pirate health, particularly amongst newborns. The decade old dietary recommendations include increased intake of vitamin C and folic acid, as well as reductions in high fructose grog and rancid weevil infested refined carbohydrates.

1 comment:

The Other Experiment said...

Great story Zoo. I learned a lot. I had previously been under the assumption that pirate hands and eyes were being spared due to the increase in TV therapy sessions from Dr. Phil.