Friday, June 6, 2008

Thuggee Cult Members Outraged over Rerelease of Indiana Jones Movie.....

Lakhnauti, India-The secret network of Indian bandits and murderers known as the Thuggee have condemned the rerelease of the 1984 film "Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom" as crude, anti-cult propaganda that makes a mockery of their history, and are demanding that the movie be banned from Indian screens.

"Our portrayal in this movie is an outrage," Thuggee leader Rola Mam explained during a press conference held today in Pankot Palace. "We are simple folk, eeking out a living by befriending naive travellers and strangling them with our scarves. Even the thought of enslaving children to aid us in our quest for world domination is preposterous. May they all suffer the sleep of Kali Ma!"

Mam is considering pursuing legal action to put a halt to the film's rerelease, citing severe emotional and psychological trauma as well as loss of income as motivating factors. A statement from cult psychiatrist Mort Fishman reveals that Mam has been diagnosed with both clinical depression and post-traumatic stress disorder. "He basically feels like the heart has been plucked from his very chest. Sure he'll take part in a dangerous mine car chase when the need arises, but the joy is gone."


The Laundress said...

Mmm hmmm. Knew those Indiana Jones films were ripping off all kinds of folks.

Mr. B. B. King said it best (but YouTube has disabled "by request" ability to embed. Uh, here ya go -- a soundtrack for you post)

ps tip o' the hat for tipping me off to The Weepies, ya hipster Knudsen you)

Vijay said...

Mr. Knudsen,

Looks like you are slipping. I am surprised that your research did not disclose the fact that the Thugs - which incidentally is the correct name for the organized crime families that were sought to be supressed, unsuccessfully I must add, by the British when they were oppressing my proud nation (Thuggee or thuggery are the verbs that describe the act of violent money making that they perfected) - have evolved over time to more sophisticated modes of thuggery. Here are some recent news articles from my local newspaper, whose reporters seem to be more enterprising than you.

Gang of ‘biscuit bandits’ arrested

Two fall victim to `biscuit bandit'

`Biscuit bandit' back in action

I hope you don't take it too bad, but you really must shape up.

I remain your fan with sincere hope that you will raise the bar in future.


Zoo Knudsen said...

You question my reporting skills but then leave links to reports over three years old. I know the "biscuit bandits" all too well. Well enough to know that they have moved to the US and infiltrated one of the most evil organizations known to man. By the end of the Summer the world will know of the "Thin Mint Bandits" and their badge covered green vests.

Anonymous said...

The truth is: Portrayal of "thuggees" as criminals is a diabolical imagination and invention of the British. Most of these ‘thugs’ were rebel peasants, waging war against the dispossession of their lands. The so called ‘thugs’ led small factions "Robin Hood" style, that targetted the British and their Indian allies. And in turn were the focus of British efforts. The mechanics of British propaganda, justified this suppression of revolt of the landless in the name of ‘Good for India.’ A narrative that survives till today.