Wednesday, January 29, 2014

Area Bigfoot Hunters Last Line of Defense Against Bloodthirsty Cryptids.....

Bucksnort, TN- When the citizens of Bucksnort go to sleep at night, they rest easy knowing that thanks to two of their own, their peaceful slumber is extremely unlikely to be disturbed by a vicious and hairy man-beast hellbent on devouring their flesh.

"My brother Derk and me got to protect the town from Bigfoot and all his kinfolk," local resident Tork Jenkins explained from the back of a camouflage painted ATV while holding a Mossberg 535C 12-gauge shotgun in one hand and a 16oz Natural Light in the other. "We set up traps all through these woods and check 'em every few days. Mostly we drive around and shoot at noises that sound like they could be something sneaking around. We mostly caught possums so far but we don't give up. This here is too important a job." 

Derk Jenkins, who has witnessed a Bigfoot on several occasions while bottling his homemade moonshine at the distillery out back of his trailer, began patrolling the wooded area outside of Bucksnort 7 months ago after he found neighbor Stimp Watkins unconscious and shot full of pellet. "I was hunting squirrels when I seen him. That was the last straw for me and Tork. Once we realized Bigfoot and his folk was armed, we knew we had to fight fire with fire."

The inhabitants of Bucksnort, an unincorporated community near exit 152 on Interstate 40, have mourned the loss of several of their number over the past several months as Bigfoot related shotgun injuries and fatalities have increased despite the Jenkins brothers' frequent patrols. "We know the Bigfeet are for the Devil," Derk revealed. "What we can't figure is why the attacks stopped while we was in Clarksville for that tractor pull."

1 comment:

Unknown said...

This is all bull shit . I grew up in bucksnort and had businesses there and for 1 there is no one by these names and for 2 , there hasn't ben any one shot. Such bull shit. There are real big foots here. But the article is bullshit all around