More Parents Turning to Homeschooling.....

Lebanon, TN- The results of a recently published nationwide survey of parents reveal that the number of homeschooled American children is on the rise, with the most commonly cited reason being the desire to avoid curriculum components considered inappropriate based on religious beliefs.

"We couldn't in good conscience allow our daughter to be exposed to some of the items on that syllabus," explained James Birdwell, a citizen of Lebanon and father of a homeschooled child. "The Bible teaches us that the pathway to Heaven is paved with positive integers. No negative numbers and no fractions!"

Birdwell and his daughter Melizabeth are members of the Lebanon Church of Christ, Arithmetician, a relatively new denomination which focuses on the use of numbers in the Bible. In addition to fractions, believers refuse to accept other modern numerical concepts such as the number zero and the value of the ratio of a circle's circumference to its diameter being greater than 3. Undeterred by a near complete inability to function in society, Birdwell's belief didn't waver even after his first child died as the result of a medication dosing error.

Church elder Pim Travertine gave an example of church teachings:

"In 1 Kings 3:16-28, the wisdom of Solomon was revealed and the righteousness of the whole number made evident. For only the wicked and deceitful of the two women preferred that which was whole to be rent asunder! Men of God round to the nearest whole number so that are hearts may remain pure."

But modern mathematics is not the first controversial subject to be taught in public schools. Many religious believers, for example, have refused to accept the claims of Darwinian Evolutionists. Some have even protested the exposure of their children to the implications of gravitational and kinetic energy in school physical education programs, citing dodgeball as a tool of the devil himself.