NIH Survey Reveals Fewer Mice Going into Medical Research.....

Bethesda, MD- Significantly fewer mice are going into medical research according to the results of  a nation-wide survey released today by the National Institutes of Health, raising concern that the future study of new pharmaceutical agents may be negatively impacted.

Champ McWhiskers, shown here working at Jethro's House of Snakes

"Mice pups just aren't as interested in the medical field anymore," lead researcher Catherine Felinesky explained. "The reasons are unclear, but it's likely because of negative perceptions of the field of pharmaceutical testing and a growing distrust of science in general."

According to the new data, young mice are increasingly turning to historically nontraditional careers like serving as house pets or participating in psychology experiments. Many are simply unemployed and living off of the grid. Some, seeking an more fulfilling lifestyle, are being enticed into working in dangerous dead end jobs in pet stores and zoo reptile houses.

Parents of these mice are having difficulty understanding and accepting the fact that so many of their offspring are avoiding the jobs that were highly respected and sought after just a few hundred generations ago last week. Some, like Mr. Furby McWhiskers, a research mouse at Pfizer, have simply given up. "He lives in a cage, a God damned cage. He's no son of mine!"