Sunday, October 5, 2014

Study Links Improved Diet to Fewer Pirate Baby Birth Defects.....

Secret Pirate Island-A new study released today by the joint Council of Pirate Nutrition and Plank Walking appears to confirm the anecdotal reports of significant decreases in pirate baby birth defects seen since the release of updated dietary guidelines in 2004.

A pirate baby born with a unilateral eye-patch prior to the publication of the 2004 dietary guidelines
"We can now finally say with scientific certainty that our recommendations are actually paying off," pirate physician Mort Fishman explained. "Our data shows that among pirate babies born today there are 15% fewer peg legs, 30% fewer hook hands, and a shocking 70% drop in unilateral eye-patches when compared to buccaneer infants from just ten years ago. Arrrr."

Though long known for their poor nutrition while on lengthy sea voyages as well as high rates of scurvy and other deficiencies in micronutrients, attempts at improving pirate health have historically been met with much skepticism among pirate epidemiologists. But the evidence that the dietary changes begun in 2004 have led to major advances in pirate health are compelling, particularly among newborns. The decade old dietary recommendations included increased intake of vitamin C and folic acid, as well as reductions in high fructose grog and rancid weevil infested gluten containing carbohydrates.

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