Thursday, August 6, 2015

Chiropractic Particle Physicists Uncover Subatomic Building Block of the Subluxation.....

Geneva, Switzerland- One of the great mysteries of chiropractic science, the true underlying nature of the spinal subluxation, may have finally been solved by a team of top chiropractic particle physicists working at the European Organization for Nuclear Research in Geneva. Details of the discovery of the subatomic building block of the subluxation, which is being referred to as a subluxon, were published this week in Online Publishing Module #17,804 - Chiropractic Particle Physics and Gluten-Free Cake Recipes.

Actor Morgan Freeman, shown here in a teal colored hard hat with arms folded and a serious look on his face.
"I wouldn't have believed it if I didn't feel it with my own two hands during the applied kinesiology experiments at CERN," Chiropractor and 9th level particle physicist Frank Grimes explained. "When we were finally able to book time with the Large Hadron Collider, I knew something big was about to happen."

According to Grimes, chiropractors have known for more than a century that the subluxation existed but have been forced to use cumbersome placeholders when reporting the findings of their examinations to patients. Lacking an understanding of it's true nature, they did the best they could. "We knew that spinal nerves weren't actually being pinched and that the subluxation wasn't really a complex of functional and/or structural and/or pathological articular changes, but we still needed patients to understand how serious the situation was."

Chiropractors can now add an accurate understanding of what a subluxation is to the profession's established mastery of the numerous potential negative health effects caused by them. And, as Grimes explains in an ad for his Belvidere, Nebraska clinic, a focus on prevention by detecting subluxons before they cause a symptomatic subluxation is the next step. "Come on down for our back to school event! I'll check the whole family's subluxon levels for just $59 and knock 10% off our Maintenance Madness! package if you sign up for at least 6 months!" 

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