Tuesday, August 4, 2015

Area Couple Frustrated by Infant's Lack of Internet Connectivity.....

Belvidere, NE- When Myrtle and Angus Rose welcomed their first child into the world, they scanned every inch of their nearly twelve pound baby for any imperfections using an app on their smartphone. And like most parents they were pleased to find a vigorous and plump baby with ten fingers, ten toes, and a normal sized penis perfect for incorporating into a birth announcement for their friends on Instagram. But joy quickly turned to confusion and frustration when they were unable to locate their newborn son's USB port.

Increasing numbers of perfectly acceptable but non-internet compatible newborns are being put up for adoption by late generation millennials 
"I don't mean to sound disappointed or ungrateful," Mr. Rose explained while filming a video selfie and then posting it to Vine. "I just don't know how I'm even going to interact with him. There's no Bluetooth, no FaceTime, no Twitter handle. There's no access at all, just regular holes and some kind of intermittent high pitched emission from what I think is its heat sink."

The Roses aren't the only late generation millennials struggling to communicate as they begin to have children. Having grown up with total immersion in post-internet life, many are having difficulty grasping that their newborn is another human being rather than a new peripheral for their smart phone. Many physicians, like pediatrician Dr. Mort Fishman, are being forced to adapt to parenting concerns that would have been unheard of just a few years ago. "They keep asking me what the WiFi password is and how to set up a WPAN."

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