Vatican City-In an emergency press conference held today in the ball pit of a Vatican City Chuck E. Cheese's, Pope Benedict announced that some household appliances had "shattered" human dignity.
"The Church, with its immense wisdom and love for mankind, is obligated to defend the great values that are at stake in the area of home electronics," Pope Benedict explained. "The Church is not against appliance progress but insists that it must have a foundation of ethical and moral principles, especially in the kitchen."
According to the pontiff, devices such as the iwavecube personal microwave, which has all the electronic controls and safety features you expect while taking up less than a cubic foot of space, have "shattered the barriers meant to protect human dignity."
His Holiness revealed that "When a portable, battery-powered can opener that works on round cans of almost every size, cuts a smooth edge just below the rim, and automatically lifts the lid without any sharp edges is availabe for purchase by humans, how can one deny that such a practices bring the concept of the dignity of man into question?"
After warning against the beguiling nature of science, and the ease of pushing the envelope beyond what is right, the Pope went on to express his desire for the Church to take a more active role in the development and availability of household appliances more in keeping with Christian ideals. "It is time for the Church to take a stand!"