Wednesday, May 6, 2015

Knudsen's Creative Corner: My Frontal Lobe.....

The following was submitted by long time Knudsen's News reader Dr. Mort Fishman

Actor Jon Hamm, shown here stepping up onto a curb
My Frontal Lobe

My frontal lobe is my best friend. Every morning I wake up and remember how lucky I am to have one. It helps me to get out of bed in the morning and to fix myself a nutritious breakfast. It helps me to brush my teeth and fix my hair. It helps me to pick out what outfit to wear. I love my frontal lobe. Without my frontal lobe, I could never do all of the wonderful things that I do every day. 

I never take my frontal lobe for granted. I take it with me everywhere I go. One time I took my frontal lobe to the zoo and it threw rocks at the monkeys. My frontal lobe helps me read books and articles so that I can be a good doctor. After we study, my frontal lobe and I love to watch Dawson's Creek reruns and eat Totino's microwave pizza. My favorite color is blue but my frontal lobe's favorite color is green. I would hold my frontal lobe's hand but my parietal lobe won't let me. It is jealous. My frontal lobe has the most beautiful deep bass voice and loves Sam Smith as both a singer and a human being.

Sometimes my frontal lobe gets mad at me. It has a bad temper. Usually it's my fault though because I don't do what it tells me to do. Sometimes I drink too much and it gives me hepatic failure. My frontal lobe is the most powerful frontal lobe in the whole world. One time my occipital lobe was being mean so my frontal lobe made an example of it in front of my entire brain and I was blind for three months.

One time I made my frontal lobe mad because I worked out too hard when it was tired and had a headache. I said I was sorry but it was so upset that it gave me left-sided neglect and I had half a beard from 1978 through 1981. My frontal lobe gives me a gold star for every time I make it all night without going potty. My frontal lobe can beat up your frontal lobe. My frontal lobe thinks my limbic system is an emotional mess and is planning to have it infarcted.

I like to write poetry about my frontal lobe as well, but it is shy and only allows me to write in the form of a haiku. My frontal lobe lets me breathe when I behave. I am scared of my frontal lobe. Help me. My frontal lobe is evil and it can hear my thoughts. My frontal lobe has plans for all of you.

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