Miami, FL - Experts from the Miami Police Department's Nutrition Crimes Unit (NCU) are issuing a warning to be on the lookout for drug dealers selling fentanyl-laced lemonade to children.
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| A drug dealer, shown here posing as a child running a pop-up neighborhood lemonade stand and with enough fentanyl-laced sugar water to kill every thirsty toddler in Pittsburgh |
"This lemonade looks, smells, and even tastes like conventional lemonade that doesn't have any fentanyl in it at all," Police nutritional toxicologist and NCU Chief Mort Fishman explained. "This stuff is just high fructose corn syrup, lemon juice, and scoop after scoop of fentanyl. And don't be fooled by what looks like an innocent child's lemonade stand because most of those are actually just really small adults looking to get your kids hooked."
The Miami Police Department's NCU was established last year when Dr. Fishman got really scared after seeing a news report of a lemonade-related fatality caused by excessive levels of caffeine. Corporal Chad Blaze, a 2-month veteran of the NCU and victim of the first reported mosquito-borne fentanyl overdose in 2022, is excited about bringing the expertise he gained while working with the MPD's Stinger unit to tackling killer lemonade this Summer. "I'm confident that the FIM-92 Stinger surface-to-air missile system is ideally suited to this situation. I'm pretty confident."
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