Zoo Knudsen is on an undercover assignment and will return, with more of the hard hitting and factually opaque news you won't get anywhere else, on Monday December 17th.
Other events of historical significance having occured on December 17 in the past, or destined to at some point in the near or distant future:
1. 1903 - The Wright Brothers made their first powered and heavier-than-air flight in the Wright Flyer at Kitty Hawk, North Carolina.
2. 1953 - Birth of Bill Pullman, American actor.
3. 1969 - Project Blue Book: The USAF closes its study of UFOs, stating that sightings were generated as a result of "A mild form of mass hysteria, Individuals who fabricate such reports to perpetrate a hoax or seek publicity, psychopathological persons, and misidentification of various conventional objects."
4. 1989 - Premiere of hit animated television series The Simpsons.
5. 2015- Chiropractic reform movement will denounce the existence of the subluxation however it's sole member Stephen Pearle will be jailed without trial under the recently enacted anti-reason legislation pushed through congress by President Trudeau.
6. 2023- A new imaging technique, harnassing the power of human energy fields and the injection of radioactive material directly into acupuncture points, will prove the existence of meridians and forever change the way humanity approaches the study of medicine and science as a whole.
7. 2038- Deepak Chopra will achieve a higher quantum plane of existence and will use his newfound limitless power to declare himself emperor of the Universe and the "Eater of Worlds".
8. 2047- Homeopathic scientists, now achieving unheard of dilutions, will push the envelope one succussion too far thus wiping humanity off of the face of the earth.
9. 187,234,968- Humanity, having again come into existence via the process of natural selection will blame the coming of night on the anger of the Sun God, thus reinventing religion.
10. 191,387,211- Birth of Bill Pullman, American actor.
See you in a week!