Paw Paw, MI-Area man Alfred Rosenblatt, blind in both eyes secondary to complications of his type 2 diabetes, had to be forcibly removed from the Strand Theater today after an altercation stemming from the manager's refusal to allow him to take up an extra seat while only paying for one.
"The last time I checked, the United States Constitution didn't have a BMI requirment," Rosenblatt explained. "Is it too much to ask for me to come in, butter my coke, and lose myself in the meliferous instrument that was Diane Keaton's voice in Because I Said So or in the comedy stylings of Eddie Murphy in Norbit?"
Theater owner Melfred Strand was concerned about the possibility of bad press leading readers to making an unfair judgement about the inhabitants of this small Michigan town. "I don't want people thinking that the good folks in Paw Paw don't know how to treat people in a fair and decent manner. Most folks 'round here don't care if you're fat, skinny, black, white, mexican, or chinese cause we're all God's children. I mean we aren't like those stupid muslims who'd just as soon kill ya as look at ya."