Saturday, June 24, 2017

Solomon Grundy Calls for Classroom Fidget Spinner Ban....

Slaughter Swamp, NJ- Adding to the fidget spinner controversy that has parents, teachers, and pediatric mental health professionals choosing sides, Legion of Doom Director of Public Outreach Solomon Grundy announced today that the popular psychological stress relievers have no place in classrooms.

Solomon Grundy, shown here discussing the potential harm of fidget spinners in a classroom setting with a group of education experts who he would later dismember in a fit of blind rage

"It's true that fidget spinner use is generating some controversy and that parents are caught in the middle," child psychiatrist Mort Fishman explained. "But I truly believe that strategic classroom use of these devices can benefit certain students. And if some kids just think of them as fun toys, I just don't see what the big deal is. Frankly I'm more than a bit skeptical of claims made by an evil zombie that murdered Skyman and ate Red Tornado's arm that time he inhabited a human body."

Grundy, a reanimated corpse fused with rotten swamp wood and powered by a mysterious elemental force has been a frequent nemesis of the Justice League while working on his PhD in educational psychology. He is calling for a complete ban of fidget spinners, listing several specific concerns. "Fidget spinners bad. Just toys. Make Solomon Grundy angry. Just stupid toys!"

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