NASA Experts Expect Magnetic Field Reversal Any Day Now.....

Fargo, ND- Experts from the North American Space Association have announced that a reversal of the planet's magnetic field is imminent.

Two Boy Scouts, shown here using compasses while working on their Human Game merit badges and mere seconds before receiving an uncomfortable congratulatory back rub

"We expect an interchange in the positions of magnetic north and south to begin any day now," NASA Chief John J.J. Schmidt explained. "The effects aren't going to be sudden or catastrophic, but it's going to be a bumpy ride, folks."

The polarity of the Earth has changed randomly numerous times in the past, the last being less than a million years ago. And it can happen relatively quickly, even within a human lifetime according to Schmidt. "While many people will not notice any changes at first, it will become clear once the polarity fully reverses."

The most immediate difference will be noticed when using a compass for navigation. The reversal of magnetic North and South will require some adjustment, but shouldn't be much of a problem for most of us, reassures Schmidt. "The real problem will be the shift in Up and Down. People crossing the equator will continue to be torn in half."

Chiropractic Paleontologists Question Mechanism of Dinosaur Demise.....

Davenport, IA- Researchers from the Palmer College of Chiropractic Paleontology are questioning the scientific consensus on the demise of the dinosaurs 66 million years ago.

"Certainly the 7.5-mile-wide asteroid that crashed near Chicxulub, Mexico played a major role," Dennis M. Marchiori, D.C., Chancellor of the Palmer College of Chiropractic explained. "But the theory that a massive cloud of dust caused global cooling and wiped out plant life just never made complete sense to us as an ultimate cause of widespread extinction."

A fossilized Struthiomimus altus, shown here demonstrating a death pose caused by subluxation in the C6 and L5 vertebrae.

The team of spine-based paleontologists at Palmer College were faced with a difficult question. If the dinosaurs weren't killed by a lack of food or a sudden and drastic change in climate, what could have wiped them out along with 75% of life on Earth? According to lead researcher Frank Grimes, D.C., it turns out that the answer was right in front of them all along.

"Using the latest computer modeling techniques kept telling us what we already knew couldn't be true," Grimes revealed. "It wasn't until we took a step back and remembered our training that the answer became clear."

Chiropractic paleontology is a highly specialized field that focuses on the alignment of fossilized spinal bones in order to determine organ system function and the general health of extinct vertebrate species. According to Grimes, the impact from the asteroid would have undoubtedly caused an immensely powerful shock wave that would have rattled the bones of even the largest creatures on the planet. "In our chiropractic training, we learn that even minor falls might result in a complex of functional and/or structural and/or pathological articular changes in the spinal column, and there weren't any veterinary chiropractors around back then. At least we can say that it wasn't a painful extinction. Those scaly bastards probably just slipped away in their sleep."