Psychic Uses Powers to Contact Man's Dead Third Cousin Once Removed
Toledo, Ohio-While attending a reading by psychic Jim Edwins today, Toledo fireman Frank Woods was amazed when the clairvoyant began to communicate with a deceased family member.
"I don't know how he did it, but he definitely had Cousin Mabel," Mr. Woods explained. "Only psychic powers could have revealed that her name started with an A, C, D, G, K, M, P, R, T, or W."
On his gift of communicating with the dead, Edwins revealed that he has no control over what come through from the other side. The spirits seek me out to deliver messages that they feel must be passed on to the living. For example, how they might have once lived on a boat, or near one, or near a body of water, or something blue, or that they liked water, or to fish, or to eat fish."
Thursday, July 3, 2008
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
Jolie-Pitt Twins Sign Historic Intrauterine Movie Deal.....
Nice, France-As the exciting news of Angelina Jolie's admission to Lenval Hospital's Santa Maria maternity clinic in Southern France is uniting the world in celebration, Jolie's physician and representatives from Universal Pictures held a press conference today to announce a historic movie deal.
"This is the first time that any fetus, let alone premature twins, have signed with a major motion picture company," Universal president Ronald Meyer explained. "This kind of thing may happen all the time at the Sundance Institute, but those fetuses pale in genetic comparison to our newest stars."
Staff maternal-fetal medicine specialist Mort Fishman, also in attendance today, expressed some reservations about exposing such immature neonates to the stresses of a Hollywood lifestyle. "I admit that when filming for their first picture, "The Parent Trap V: This Time It's Placental", began at the 20-week ultrasound, I got caught up in all of the glitz and glammer. But as a physician I have to question whether this will continue to be in the best interest of the twins, or the studio, once birth has taken place considering their likely deficiency in pulmonary surfactant and the flat and lifeless lighting from the phototherapy."
"This is the first time that any fetus, let alone premature twins, have signed with a major motion picture company," Universal president Ronald Meyer explained. "This kind of thing may happen all the time at the Sundance Institute, but those fetuses pale in genetic comparison to our newest stars."
Staff maternal-fetal medicine specialist Mort Fishman, also in attendance today, expressed some reservations about exposing such immature neonates to the stresses of a Hollywood lifestyle. "I admit that when filming for their first picture, "The Parent Trap V: This Time It's Placental", began at the 20-week ultrasound, I got caught up in all of the glitz and glammer. But as a physician I have to question whether this will continue to be in the best interest of the twins, or the studio, once birth has taken place considering their likely deficiency in pulmonary surfactant and the flat and lifeless lighting from the phototherapy."
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
Scotland Yard Announces Amy Winehouse Made Entirely of Drugs.....
London-Detectives from Scotland Yard announced today during a press conference held at their headquarters at 10 Broadway that they have reason to believe that eclectic singer-songwriter Amy Winehouse now consists almost entirely of drugs.
"The evidence is nearly conclusive at this point," Metropolitan Police Commissioner Sir Ian Warwick Blair explained. "We have a variety of hair and tissue samples, as well as nearly a pint of various bodily fluids, and they are essentially made up of varying degrees of ethanol, heroin, crack and nicotine, with trace amounts of benzene and other industrial solvents."
Concerned for the safety of the citizens of London, who have only just begun to recover from the recent destruction of Heathrow Airport by an enraged Naomi Campbell, Blair has elevated Winehouse to a Category 5 hazardous material and is asking that a 500-foot safety zone be kept around the Grammy-winning artist until a suitable underground containment facility can be constructed.
"The evidence is nearly conclusive at this point," Metropolitan Police Commissioner Sir Ian Warwick Blair explained. "We have a variety of hair and tissue samples, as well as nearly a pint of various bodily fluids, and they are essentially made up of varying degrees of ethanol, heroin, crack and nicotine, with trace amounts of benzene and other industrial solvents."
Concerned for the safety of the citizens of London, who have only just begun to recover from the recent destruction of Heathrow Airport by an enraged Naomi Campbell, Blair has elevated Winehouse to a Category 5 hazardous material and is asking that a 500-foot safety zone be kept around the Grammy-winning artist until a suitable underground containment facility can be constructed.
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