Disgruntled Former McDonald's Spokesperson Makes Comeback.....

Garden City, ID - Former McDonald's Spokesperson Grimace, who had been out of the public eye for years and long rumored to have died from complications related to his morbid obesity, is 200 pounds lighter and staring in a one-man show based on his life.

Grimace, shown here chasing Birdie during a drunken rage, admits in his new show that there were times when his behavior towards her was abusive  

"It has taken a lot of time, some intense psychotherapy, opening my heart to our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, and gastric bypass surgery to get me to where I am today," Grimace explained. "But the show is about more than what happened in the past. I didn't just lose weight. I lost a lot of my emotional baggage too! This is my chance to make a fresh start and forge a new path into the future."

Grimace's performance, The Milkshake Monologues, can be seen at the Garden City Rumpus Room starting in January and promises to clear up several misconceptions about his life and career working alongside Ronald McDonald, the Hamburglar, the Fry Kids, the McNugget Buddies, Mayor McCheese, the Happy Meal Gang, and Birdie the Early Bird. Grimace, who now goes by Grim, revealed that there will be a heavy focus on his off-set romance with Birdie. "There were so many rumors going around, and there was some truth to them. I had really hit rock bottom. There was this one time when Ronald walked in on me snorting strawberry milkshake of of her stomach while she was giving Mac Tonight a wing job. It's all in the show."

Speaking of the leader of the gang of friends from McDonaldland, Grim doesn't plan on pulling any punches when it comes to Ronald McDonald. According to the giant purple humanoid taste bud, he suffered years of psychological abuse at the hands of the sadistic clown. "I'm an actor. My character was a clumsy simpleton who only cared about shoving milkshakes down my gullet. But even when the cameras weren't rolling, Ronald treated me like dirt. I think that's why I started hating myself, and why I lived such an unhealthy lifestyle. I've learned to love myself now."