Anchorage, AK - Santa Claus may be best known as the jolly old elf who brings joy to children all over the world at Christmas each year, but this could soon change as he is now facing several credible accusations of sexual assault here in the United States.
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| Santa, shown here being taken into custody by law enforcement officers, has denounced his accusers as naughty liars and claims to have the list to prove it |
"This is a man with access to every mother's home in the entire world," Gloria Allred, lawyer for three of the six alleged victims, explained. "Is it really surprising that he would abuse his power dynamic over mortal female humans considering his centuries of worker exploitation and animal abuse?"
Santa, who is currently in the custody of the Anchorage Police Department, is claiming that any sexual activity he has taken part in since the 16th century has been consensual. One of his accusers, who is going by "Jane Doe" out of fear for her safety given the widespread popularity of the magical being she claims forcibly groped her and kissed her on the mouth last Christmas Eve, is hoping that more victims will have the courage to come forward. "He cornered me and said what a shame it would be if he had to skip our house next year. I felt so helpless. I couldn't move. My son saw the whole thing from the top of the stairs and I told him that it was his father because he would be devastated if he knew what really happened."
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