Massachusetts Baby Breaks World Apgar Score Record.....

Newton, MA - A Massachusetts newborn has finally broken the decades old infant Apgar record of 10 that was first set by the child of a Sloane Hospital for Women administrator in 1953.

Apgar record breaking newborn, Egbert Givens, shown here reading his favorite original printing of Tolstoy's War and Peace while getting some tummy time

"I've seen more than a few tens over the years," neonatal historian Mort Fishman MD explained. "Then there was that Guatemalan kid who got an eleven in 2013, but that ended up being a hoax. And now a twelve…at one minute? That baby is a genius, a liar, or maybe a bit of both."

The Apgar score is a standardized evaluation system applied to all newborns at least twice during the first several minutes of life in order to assess their general health status, need for resuscitation, and response to interventions aimed at improving a the transition from dependence on the placenta to thriving as a fully self-actualized infant. According to Dr. Fishman, the eponymous scoring system was named after the obstetrical anesthesiologist who developed it in 1952 and has been helpful in determining which of the five societal castes a child best fits into. "These scores do much more than simply help determine if a child will succeed in life. They play a key role in upholding the stability of a perfect society."

During Apgar scoring, several factors are assessed. These typically include the newborn infant's coloring, pulse rate, response to stimulation, muscle tone, breathing, physiological and cognitive self-awareness, interest in fine art and literature, grasp of complex and abstract mathematical principles, a Turing test, and finally their epistemological perspective. Children with a score of 9 or 10 are destined to become powerful and influential as leaders of mankind. Fishman, who peaked at an Apgar score of 8 at five minutes of life in 1965, says that it is unclear what to do with a 12. "If this ends up being a legitimate twelve and not another hoax, this kid might just rule the world one day."