Spring, TX - Starting in 2024, American multinational oil and gas corporation ExxonMobil will being offering what they say will be the healthiest gasoline ever produced.
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| ExxonMobil Synergy Boost Performance Plus gasoline, which should not be consumed by humans under any circumstances, will contain more vitamins, minerals, lean proteins, and healthy fats than all the pictured foods combined. |
"This stuff is going to make a salad look like just a giant bowl of brownies," ExxonMobil chairman and CEO Darren Woods explained. "In addition to the antioxidants that were already standard in our gas, we are adding a proprietary blend of probiotics, vitamins, herbs, and electrolytes that would make a green smoothie look like a pile of fried cheese and gravy. But don't drink it."
ExxonMobil has always believed that their customers can be confident that they are getting a high quality gasoline every time. According to Woods, in addition to being engineered to clean up intake valves and improve gas mileage and performance, their Synergy Boost Performance Plus gasoline will be 100% gluten free and contain no added sugars. "It's going to be the kind of gas that your mother makes you drink before you can have dessert. Again, and I am being very serious about this, do not drink the gasoline."
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