Beverly Hills, CA-In response to the recent tragedy involving the death of a 17-year-old boy after being mauled by an escaped 350-pound tiger at the San Francisco Zoo, Fox television has chosen to withdraw its upcoming special When Tigers Attack VII: Mauled by America from the schedule.
According to a press release from the network, the program, which involves ten untrained adult Siberian tigers, "pits a series of amateur animal trainers against each other in a contest of wits, as well as the will to harness the ferocious nature of both the wild tiger and man, culminating in America choosing which two trainers will face off in the climactic final battle inside the Death Dome. It's time to put your tiger where your mouth is!"
"We at Fox are deeply sorry for the loss of this young man's life and feel that airing When Tigers Attack VII: Mauled by America might be considered by some to be in poor taste," Fox owner Rupert Murdoch explained. "In working to put shape and form on programs at Fox, there will be shows with no outer limits, and the only rules that we will enforce on these programs is they must have taste, they must be engaging, they must be entertaining and they must be original."
Fox executives have narrowed the replacement of When Tigers Attack VII: Mauled by America down to a handful of fine programs:
1. A live action remake of ThunderCats starring real cats with Gilbert Gottfried as the voice of Snarf.
2. The Early Birds: Operation Iraq, an epic mini-series starring Ernest Borgnine as a crotchety former army sergeant who re-enlists and is sent to the northern Iraqi settlement of Qahtaniya. In the process of helping a ragtag bunch of misfits defend the villagers from wave after wave of Al-Qaeda soldiers, he must find a way to forget the past and open his heart.
3. Reruns of When Tigers Attack VI: Who Wants to Marry a Tiger.
4. Temptation Broom Closet
5. Monkey Medium, a thriller about a psychic chimpanzee who teams up with a very skeptical Burt Reynolds to solve a new case each week, with hilarious results. Tony Shalhoub makes an unforgettable guest appearance as a depressed zoo employee with a heart of gold.