Chicago, IL - As the holiday season moves inexorably towards Christmas morning, experts are starting to weigh in on what will be the most popular gift for new parents.
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| New parents, shown here hoping they'll get a Christmas present that keeps their baby both alive and quiet, because she is the CEO of a large company and has an early meeting. I bet you assumed he was the CEO, you misogynistic bastard. |
"There is a very short list for what will be the biggest hit this year," Abe Szylak of Baby Trendz Magazine explained. "To be clear, it's just the one thing. Every new parent is going to be asking for it, and they are going to remember for years to come if they don't get it. If you love your brother, sister, college roommate you haven't spoken to for ten years, whoever happens to be pregnant that is anywhere in or even close to being in your circle of friends and family, you're going to want to get this for them."
Every holiday season has its winners and losers when it comes to gifts, but rarely is there one item that so resoundingly leaves the rest of the pack in their dust. According to Syzlak, who also predicted the Rubik's Cube craze of 1982 and solved the Cabbage Patch Kids murders of 1983, this is like the 100-year flood of demand. "It's a weighted, vibrating, magnetized, organic, non-GMO, holy water infused wireless smartsack that keeps track of the baby's vital signs and cures colic."
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