House Republicans Plan to Investigate Former First Dog Major Biden…..

Washington, D.C. - As Republican members of congress prepare to assume control of the House of Representatives, party leaders are announcing plans to investigate members of the Biden family including the former first dog.

First cat Willow Biden, shown here relaxing in the Executive Residence, declined our request for an interview

"This was an aggressive dog involved in multiple violent outbursts during his time in the White House," Kevin McCarthy, who will likely take over as Speaker of the House of Representatives in January, explained. "Some of these were part of a cover-up that we only know about because of a willowblower, I mean a whistleblower, whose identity we are protecting in order to avoid reprisals from the current administration."

In light of the revelations of numerous, unreported attacks on Secret Service agents, Republicans are expressing concern that Joe Biden, the current President of the United States and father of Hunter Biden, may have played a role in the cover-up. According to McCarthy, these attacks also raise serious concerns that the German Shepherd did not go through an appropriate vetting process before being allowed such close proximity to sensitive information. "The American people deserve to know if this is a family pet that had trouble adjusting to life in the White House, or a foreign agent with potential access to classified documents. And if so, what did Joe Biden know and when did he know it?"