[The following is a paid advertisement from the Republican National Committee. The views presented do not necessarily reflect those of Zoo Knudsen or of Knudsen's News.]
Scared?
Confused?
Curious?
Join the Republican Party!!!
Every year, literally millions of people right here in the United States vote Republican. And that many people can't be wrong, right? No way! But don't take our word for it. Check out how a few real Americans just like you answered our question: Why do you Republican?
"Why do I Republican? Easy. A gay dog humped my leg at a neighbor's backyard barbecue. And I think his neighbor was also a gay."
- Clance Dippindotz III, 63
"Why do I Republican? A pediatrician told me to stop keeping a loaded gun under my kid's mattress. Where did she go to medical school, communism? Or is this not still American?"
- Larry Barrington, 48
"Why do I Republican? A teacher told my kid that a historical white person did something bad once. How is that my problem? I don't even know who that is!"
- Breece Withersnap, 35
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| Why does Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell Republican? Money? Power? Piles and piles of boiled eggs and mealworms? Probably. |
People are choosing to Republican for so many important reasons. But the most important reason of all is because God, because America, because freedom, and because the greatest country in the world. And now we've just got one question for you: Why do you Republican?
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