Backwoods Southern Lawyer Convention Votes to Ban Women Partners.....

Memphis, TN - The annual meeting of the Backwoods Southern Lawyer Convention (BSLC) voted to affirm a decision made earlier this year to remove Reynolds, Dixon, & Maynard, a major southern Mississippi law firm, due to its having women partners.

Members of a BSLC Sub-Committee, shown here having just voted to allow lawyers to bring their best hunting dog to work as long as isn't one of those gay ones...like a French poodle or a Coton de Tulear

Representatives at the conference in New Orleans overwhelmingly supported the decision to expel the firm according to the vote count reported Wednesday morning. The representatives, known as couriers, also voted to affirm the ousters of two other firms, including The Law Offices of Boudreaux and Thibodeaux in Lafayette, Louisiana, which has had a female managing partner since 1993.

The vote to uphold the removals came just a few hours before a two-thirds majority of the Backwoods Southern Lawyer Convention, the largest distinct doctrinal body within the practice of law in the Deep South, separately voted to approve an amendment to its constitution that would more broadly prohibit law firms from having women hold any ownership interest, let alone a leadership position such as senior or managing partner.

The Backwoods Bulletin, which describes itself as the BSLC's official news service, reported that Reynolds, Dixon, & Maynard was found "to be full of sass and all cattywampus" with the BSLC's "statement of hierarchy," which says in part that "the position of partner is limited to men."

Not all members agree with the decisions. Among those who asked the BSLC to allow women to make partner in their respective law firms was Jake "The Alabama Hammer" Hammer, a lawyer in Birmingham, Alabama who is a pit bull in the courtroom. "I believe strongly that women have a place in law firms as partner, senior or even managing partner, as long as they don't get paid as much as men."

Hammer, who reads law books like other people read menus, appealed to the representatives to "act like true backwoods lawyers who have historically "agreed to disagree' on dozens of doctrines in order to share a common mission of taking rights away from gay people," per the Backwoods Bulletin, which reported that Hammer will fight to get you every dollar that you deserve from those big insurance companies if you've been injured by an 18-wheeler.

Reginald Jenkins, one of the Jenkins boys from Jeanerette, Louisiana and senior partner at Sugar City Legal Services, has identified himself as the person who introduced the amendment. In a video, he explained that the goal was to encourage backwoods southern lawyers to stick with the traditions of legal practice that helped to make the South what it is today. "Our belief is that having women run things around here is a dog that just won't hunt. In fact, it's barkin' up the wrong tree entirely, if you asked me. Now why don't you sit a spell and let me tell you about my pappy, who started this here law firm back when I was just a tadpole."