Cootie Shot Expert Challenged to High Profile Debate with Anti-Shot Candidate for Class President.....

Pearland, TX - Area rising 4th grader Jeorff Grogan has challenged CDC cootie researcher Dr. Hammond St. Michelle to debate anti-shot class presidential candidate Woody Kilmore after she criticized the candidate for doubling down on his controversial stance during the "Cafeteria Connections with Jeorff Grogan" segment of the Silverlake Elementary School morning announcements last week.

Musk, shown here suffering from severe cooties, would likely qualify for a trial investigating a potential cure but would probably just eat some sheep anal gland extract he heard about from a blue check twitter account with 5 followers instead

Grogan pledged to donate a nearly full box of strawberry Gushers left over from his birthday party last month to the class "snack stash" if St. Michelle agreed to debate Kilmore, who has launched a bid to become class president in the 2023 fall election. Grogan's challenge, which was heard by nearly 300 students, prompted St. Michelle to respond in a now-deleted tweet, which turned into a heated exchange.

"Be serious Jeorff, Gushers are what you bring to a weekend sleepover," St. Michelle wrote. "$50 worth of Hershey's Miniatures, which you/your mom/Woody can easily afford, not for me but so we can give them to the kids in the free lunch program. But only after Woody takes back what he said about me being a poo face with a face that belongs in the toilet, and how the toilet won't flush because my face is made of so much poo that the janitor had to use an extra large plunger."

Twitter owner Elon Musk tweeted about the situation, writing that St. Michelle "doesn't care about having cool snacks in class" while Kilmore agreed to the kind of debate that "all the kids who haven't been put in time out deserve."

St. Michelle has since publicly decried the attacks that she has received, lamenting the fact that many Grogan listeners appear to believe Kilmore's anti-cootie shot claims. "The school doesn't even pretend to monitor Grogan's anti-shot propaganda, including the conspiracy theory that the cootie shot made Timmy C. crap his pants during PE back in March. He got crypto from his uncle's hot tub. I've seen the medical records. The shot had nothing to do with it!"

(The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention says that there is no link between cootie shots and public diarrhea.)

St. Michelle, the director of the CDC Division of Cootie Prevention, said she would be thrilled to join Grogan during his segment to answer his questions. She also offered for Musk to visit her cootie shot laboratory to learn more about her work. She even invited Musk, who she believes almost certainly has cooties, to become a participant in one of several trials investigating potential treatments. "Oh, he's got cooties. Bad cooties. Shia LaBeouf level cooties."

Grogan called this response "a non answer," and made clear his dissatisfaction with St. Michelle calling him out publicly. "I challenged you publicly but you started it. I went on record that I know you are. I know you are, but what am I? What am I, Hammond? If you think you know, let me just go ahead and tell you that I am rubber and that it's your move now."