New York - Republican politicians and their base of conservative voters are reeling as news spreads of an announcement from Taylor Swift that will all but ensure a Biden victory in November and pave her path to power.
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| Swift, who is prone to fits of rage when her authority is questioned, is shown here reminding a crowd of reporters that she alone will decide who gets to be president |
"I'm not telling people who they should or shouldn't vote for y'all," Swift explained during a press conference held today at Republic Records' Manhattan headquarters. "I'm just saying that I don't see myself putting out any new music or organizing any new tours in Trump's America."
Swift, a popular singer and songwriter who has developed a cult-like following of irrational fans, millions of which are of voting age and will blindly comply with her every demand, has also recently taken over the NFL. According to league commissioner Roger Goodell, this is only the beginning of her reign of terror. "You didn't hear this from me, but don't expect there to be much football played at her surprise concert in Las Vegas Sunday night. Those boys will have great seats for the show, and that's better than any fancy ring."
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