Monday, December 1, 2014

November Beards Creating Epidemic of Spinal Injuries.....

Portland, OR- No-Shave November may be over, but thousands of newly bearded men are suffering the potentially life threatening negative health effects resulting from abnormal pressure on the cervical spine caused by beard induced postural changes.

Some experts blame chronic beard neck on the Star Wars prequels trilogy
"It's all about posture," Dr. Mort Fishman, a Portland chiropractor who specializes in facial hair health and coined the phrase "beard neck", explained. "The average full beard adds upwards of 88 pounds of face weight. This leads to a forward leaning neck position and an additional 400 newtons of force is required to keep the cervical spine from simply snapping like a dry twig."

Fishman demonstrated the impact of beard neck using functional MRI in a recent study funded by the National Center for Complementary and Alternative Medicine that compared subjects with and without full beards. He points to one such fMRI pairing on a poster placed in one of the examining rooms in his bustling chiropractic clinic and barbershop. "The brain on the right is in a man with a glorious natural full beard. Do you see how some areas are brighter? That's the problem at a cellular level."

Beard epidemiologist James Dalton, who works at nearby Portland State University and sports an ample 9-month Garibaldi beard, believes that more than 100 million new beards were grown over the course of November. And men with new beards appear to be most at risk, particularly those attempting the audacious Bandholz style. "These are men with relatively weak neck musculature who are simply unprepared. I recommend that rookies start with something simple like a classic full beard or at most a sassy French Fork."

Once beard neck has set in, proper treatment is necessary to prevent weakened muscles and ligaments from collapsing. This will lead to bulging disks and spinal misalignment that can compress cervical spinal nerves. Pain is a common consequence, but also widespread organ dysfunction and even death.

Only a chiropractor certified in facial hair health, like Dr. Fishman, has the experience and expertise to handle beard neck related illness. "Often I can help prevent problems before they even start. And if a patient is symptomatic, appropriate treatment is almost always successful. Sadly, sometimes the beard just can't be saved and I have to recommend barbathanasia."

Dr. Fishman is currently offering a December Beard Neck special package at significant discount. Beard weighing, spinal exam and corrective treatment for only $99. Availability is limited so call and make an appointment today!

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