Belvidere, NE - The pandemic may be over, but thousands of men who grew facial hair during the days of social isolation and working from home have maintained their rugged look after the SARS-CoV-2 virus mysteriously disappeared last August, and many are now suffering from potentially life-threatening complications.
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| Comedian Louie CK, shown here noticing a sexy potted fiddle-leaf fig in the corner of the room, has developed compensatory baldness while battling chronic beard neck |
"Gravity is a bitch," Dr. Frank Grimes, a Belvidere chiropractor who specializes in neck bones and facial wellness, explained. "A typical full beard adds an additional 400 newtons of postural torque to what the neck of a man with face baldness has to deal with when sitting or standing upright. The neck is either going to be pulled out of alignment or he will have to lean backwards enough to counterbalance the weight. I've seen healthy adult men reduced to being pulled around in a wagon, and some of them end up suffocated by the weight of their beard. It's really sad."
Grimes has published a series of landmark case reports in Online Publishing Module #79,215: Beard Neck, Text Neck, Really All the Necks demonstrating both the destructive nature of what has come to be known as "beard neck", as well as the power of chiropractic treatment. He recalls one encounter while backpacking in Acadia National Park a few months ago. "This guy was collapsed near Thunder Hole and he was short of breath, dehydrated, and riddled with cervical subluxations under a bushy Balbo beard. I never leave home without my travel Activator, so after a few highly specific adjustments and a quart of rehydration solution he was able to make it back to his car unassisted."
There are frequently unintended and unexpected consequences when large numbers of people make lifestyle changes in response to societal upheaval that was probably all fake, and the epidemic of beard neck and the many physical, mental, and spiritual complications caused by it are no exception. According to Dr. Grimes, even he has been surprised by some of the changes he has seen. "The human body is always evolving in order to find an equilibrium with our environment, but it's an imperfect process. I've seen a number of men with beards who have developed so-called "male pattern baldness" over the past 3 years and I have to wonder if it is an attempt to shift hair weight into a more balanced distribution."
Dr. Grimes is currently offering a Summer Savings package for men with beards. This includes a complete beard analysis, which includes weight, depth, and vibrational frequency, as well as treatment if indicated for only $99. Call today!
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