Florida Police Issue Windblown Fentanyl Warning as Hurricane Idalia Makes Landfall.....

Miami, FL - Law enforcement experts from the Miami Police Department are warning people living in Florida and other states in the path of Hurricane Idalia to be on the lookout for windblown fentanyl.

Hurricane Idalia, shown here containing enough windblown fentanyl to kill every man, woman, and child from Florida to South Carolina

"Anyone in the path of this storm needs to stock up on Narcan," MPD Corporal Chad Blaze explained. "With sustained winds of 125 MPH and gusts up to 160 MPH, fentanyl from Cuba, and maybe some from around Tallahassee, Tampa, and Jacksonville, is going to be blown all over the rest of Florida, large parts of South Carolina, and potentially other states in the region. Hopefully people will be take this seriously and stay inside. Please just stay inside."

In response to criticism from some non-police toxicologists, the MPD claims to back their concerns up with hard science. According to police toxicologist Mort Fishman, studies on fentanyl dispersal using artificial wind tunnels found that exposure to fentanyl in winds of greater than 120 MPH resulted in overdose symptoms. "When locked in a wind tunnel with even just a few micrograms of fentanyl nearby in an open container, these subjects developed difficulty standing up straight, elevated heart and respiratory rates, and extreme emotional disturbances once winds approached and surpassed category 4 hurricane speeds. So you can tell Ryan Marino to go suck an egg!"