Cloquet, MN - During an emergency press conference held today at Gordy's Hi Hat Drive-Inn, Moose Lake State Park manager Don Del Greco revealed that yesterday's moose related death of 37-year-old Cloquet native Darrell Darrellson likely involved a quarrel over a muffin.
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| An enraged moose, shown here demanding more muffins despite being told that he had already eaten all of the muffins and just prior to be shot by a park ranger |
"We have some solid evidence and the pieces are beginning to fit together," Del Greco explained. "It appears that the moose, after it was given the muffin by the deceased, wanted some jam to go with it. Darrellson likely refused, it being his mother's jam and all, and we believe that the enraged moose then trampled him in bloody reprisal."
Cloquet, a small town located on the St. Louis river and home to the only gas station designed by Frank Lloyd Wright, is no stranger to tragedy. According to the town's mayor, Roger Maki, residents are still reeling from the September 2023 death of Timmy Martin, a 10-year-old child who had given a pig a pancake but then refused to share his favorite maple syrup. "For the love of God, just stop giving these animals breakfast foods. And if you absolutely must do so, be prepared to give them whatever dip, sauce, spread, or topping they demand. No jam is worth a human life, not even Myrna Darrellson's homemade blackberry jam."
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