Tuesday, March 19, 2024

Failing Galactic Economy Leads to Increase in Alien Adductions.....

Zignar 7, Sagittarius Dwarf Elliptical Galaxy - As the number of planets suffering from the effects of an ongoing economic downturn grows on an almost krebly basis, Supreme Galactic Overlord Zorg XII has begun pressuring member civilizations to bring human adduction plans up to full speed earlier than the planned Smarch deadline.

Supreme Galactic Overlord Zorg XII, shown here setting up an OnlyFans account from his lake house on Lake Winnipesaukee

"We have reached a point where the luxury of human medical research subjects, acid mine laborers, and game for recreational hunting has become a financial burden that we can no longer afford," Commerce Droid BX-419 explained. "To feed, clothe, and sterilize a single human for just one flort cycle costs nearly two remlangs, which is significantly more that the total expenditure of transporting it back to where it came from."

The galactic recession has largely been blamed on the failed financial policies of Supreme Overlord Zorg XII, known by his billions of subjects as both the Bringer of Eternal Peace and Eater of Worlds. According to the embattled ruler over thousands of planets, now is not the time to consider a regime change. "Sheesh. I invest the galactic treasury in one alpaca farm and these guys are calling for my borgle on a plate!."

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