College Athlete Defies Odds.....

Tuscaloosa, AL-Ignoring the concerns of his friends and family, and the warnings of his personal physician, Alabama student Sherman Dart competed today in the pole vault competition at the Summer track and field walk-on tryouts.

"This is truly a triumph of the human spirit," Coach Harvey Glance explained. "Sadly, Sherman was born with neither a sense of direction nor a middle ear."

Dart, who did not qualify for the team and suffered a minor concussion, revealed "If success in the pole vault is measured in actual clearance of the bar, then yes, I am a failure; however, with my strict training regimen I hope to one day be able to run in a specific direction without falling down."

Sharp Increase in Naked, Toothless Patients.....

Norfolk, VA-Kimberly Rand, a rising junior at Maury High School, revealed today in a Summer School discussion group how she has witnessed a number of strange and disturbing things while volunteering at Norfolk's Children's Hospital of The King's Daughters.

"There is this one ward where all of the patients must have had some kind of stroke or maybe they're really retarded," Ms. Rand explains. "They all like can't talk and have to wear diapers and stuff. They can't even eat regular food or anything because they don't have teeth. It's just really unsettling."

Dr. Maureen Maxcy, pediatric intern at King's Daughters, has also gone on record with her concerns over the rising numbers of these mysterious patients. "Sometimes in one day I admit like ten of them, which I think are shrunken old men or something. Where are they coming from? Why are they all naked? Hopefully my coming forward will lead to some kind of investigation."