Konnected Kidz!
The Ideal Diet for Children
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| Gavyn Gravi, a Konnected Kid! and huge Jenna Ortega fan, shown here absorbing the life essence released by severing a tomato's connection to the Earth |
Did you know that more than 70% of children aren't eating a diet that is fully connected to the ultimate source of life sustaining energy, the very Earth itself? Or that missing out on this ideal approach to nourishing our bodies and spirits, known as connected eating by experts in Europe and ancient China, can result in children who will never live up to their full potential as human beings and reflections of your parenting skills? Scientific studies performed near Harvard, Johns Hopkins, Oxford, the University of Toronto, the Dalai Lama, and Sweden have found that absorbing life essence from our food when it is most concentrated can improve perceived wellness, replenish cognitive reservoirs, and increase biopsychosocial maturation by a full quartile.
Not a tertile, an entire quartile!
Until the discovery of connected eating, children have had to rely on the standard diet that was never designed with biologically and emotionally immature humans specifically in mind. During this key transitional period, children's bodies are rapidly changing. They aren't just getting bigger, they are getting smarter, more mature, and more capable of surviving in a modern world. You wouldn't allow a toddler to purchase a large quantity of dynamite or to pilot a commercial airliner, right? So why feed children a diet that was designed for adults with fully formed neural networks? Are you an idiot?
Don't be a stupid idiot!
Konnected Kidz! is the first diet designed specifically to meet the young child's unique biochemical and psychospiritual needs. And it's the only way to take advantage of the vast amount of pure life essence that is released at the exact moment food is severed from the plant. It's like how during nuclear fission energy is released as an atom is split. This diet is just like that. Don't look it up. Take my word for it.
Don't question me!
Based on the popular connected eating lifestyle belief system, Konnected Kidz! works with your child's body in an age appropriate, trauma informed, gender neutral, body positive, black lives matter, CRT, #MeToo, and LGBTQ friendly way. And it has never been proven in a federal court to increase the risk of developing avoidant/restrictive food intake disorder. But what exactly is connected eating, I ask to help transition into a paragraph where I answer the question.
This is typed with a larger font and in bold!
Connected eating isn't a meal you eat while texting your BFF about the latest episode of The Wednesday Chronicles, starring Jenna Ortega as the irrepressible private investigator Wednesday Mulligan. These hip references show how I'm not just a guy trying to promote a book to strangers on the internet, I'm cool...like all of you guys. A nutritionist probably at some point pointed out that all life on Earth contains, and is surrounded by, an essence that is undetectable using modern scientific equipment. That essence, in addition to the nutritional content of the food we eat, is the key to true and long lasting health. But over the past few thousand years we have forgotten the importance of connected eating, and rates of cancer, heart disease, arthritis, dementia, and other conditions associated with old age have skyrocketed!
It doesn't have to be this way!
When your child experiences the pure joy of connected eating, and the exciting activities that fill the pages of the Konnected Kidz!: The Ideal Diet for Children book and workbook (sold separately), you can see it with every bite. But the benefits don't stop with children who experience the kind of joy typically only seen in connected adults right before joining the cosmic consciousness during a Great Convergence. This is not a cult.
No cult here! Really!
What can you expect after your child begins their journey as a Konnected Kid!?
1. A robust and efficient Kreb's Cycle
2. A increased love of nature
3. Harder teeth
4. Elevated blood gravel levels
5. The ability to convert food and oxygen into carbon dioxide, water, and sunlight
6. More bug bites and open sores
7. An appreciation of, and comfort with, the transition of life from one phase into another
8. No more annoying changes in mood, just a never-ending and all-consuming bliss
9. Subservience to church elders
10. Potential to be a part of the next Great Convergence
So what are you waiting for? Don't you care about your child's future? Aren't you afraid of them missing out on the next Great Convergence? It's just a shell. The human body is just a shell.
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